Have you ever burst into uncontrollable tears after bustin' a nut? Potentially followed by questions from you or your partner like ‘Why am I crying?’ ‘What is wrong?’ ‘Am I sexually traumatised?’ ‘Did I hurt them?’ ‘Am I that bad in bed?’ and potentially feeling embarrassed and awkward.

Well don’t worry darlin', you’re just experiencing ‘post-coital dysphoria’ - the scientific name for bursting into tears post-shag. 

What is post-coital-dysphoria?

Dysphoria, psychologically defined as ‘a state of unease or generalised dissatisfaction with life’, which doesn't capture what a truly cathartic experience it can be. Though the definition of PCD does note it can happen after a good experience, it usually describes feeling ‘bad’ after sex. 

The general understanding is that PCD is a result of negative experiences or trauma - which it absolutely can be! In those cases, please, please release those tears!!! It is so important for processing to actually let emotions run their course. Let 'em out and let yourself be held either by yourself or your partner. 

But the thing is, PCD cops a bad rep. Your nervous system doesn't really distinguish between overwhelmingly bad and overwhelmingly good - it just knows overwhelmed. We all know crying isn’t always about sadness. Just like people cry at weddings, during deep belly laughs, or seeing an act of kindness, post-sex tears can come from overwhelming joy, love, or intensity too.

If you quickly search ‘crying after sex’ you’ll see that a lot of people tend to say that they cried following a particularly good, deep, safe, intense, passionate, loving, lusty romp. Some people speak about this happening within relationships that are the first ones they feel valued or truly loved within.

This is because crying serves a purpose.

It’s your body’s built-in release button, flipping the switch on your nervous system so you don’t short-circuit from emotional overload (sounds like another big release we can all think of, no?).  

Emotional tears are chemically composed differently to lubricating, or irritant tears. They're loaded with stress hormones like cortisol and prolactin. So when you cry after sex - you’re literally flushing out stress and resetting your nervous system like a sexy little factory reset.

Speaking from personal experience..

I’ve cried after masturbation and sex for a number reasons. After my last break-up every time I’d orgasm I’d be hit with a huge wave of melancholy. Clearly I was processing something. I’ve also cried when it was really intense and I felt overwhelmed. And then there’s been times when I would cry due to frustration and left wishing the big emotional release would come in the form of orgasm and not in the form of tears. ):<

Lately, though, sometimes I might cry during or after sex, because I get an  overwhelming feeling of gratitude and love for my partner. See! Happy tears. 

PCD isn’t just for the sad and traumatised - it’s for all kinds of the emotionally overwhelmed. Your brain is swimming in oxytocin, endorphins, and prolactin post-orgasm, which can sometimes hit so hard you cry. 

Here's the thing - just like when someone's afraid they're about to pee during sex, holding back those tears might be holding you back from a big ol' release. My advice? Let it rain. 

Roll with it, maybe have a little laugh at the pure drama of it all, and know that your body is doing its job. That's just biology baby. 

Mack Out.

xx